By Vernon Z. Cole

What an exciting time period in your life. You have just announced that you are getting married and already…… trouble. Your mother calls you to “advise” (really tell you) that checked with a, b, c, person down the list – and that their time is clear. The caterer is available. Ditto the minister, priest or rabbi, your mother in law to be (future mother in law) has got a lunch date planned with you. You know what to expect. Everything I almost planned for your wedding reception is the top message being beamed from “head office”. People you have not spoken to in years are already invited to your wedding (100 % sure in their minds) and we are not onto the lengthy list of “assumed bridesmaids”.

It is not an overstated fact that most engaged couples get a great deal of unwanted and unwarranted advice from well meaning people – friends and family included. It is true that they mean well. Each one of them in their own way wants to be part of the big day and wedding celebrations. Worse yet many are reliving and rehashing a long ago wedding day – whether it really occurred that way or should have been done that way.
“Stop the world. I want to get off”.

It all begins with setting personal and interpersonal boundaries. Establish your independence. Wedding planning is a great opportunity for you and your fiancé to stand up for yourselves and establish your taste, style and basic values and preferences as a couple. Whether you plan a traditional wedding with a religious ceremony and a large sit down dinner dance reception, or an alternative approach to your nuptials, this is your wedding and you need to make your own decisions – you and your fiancé.

If you always keep in mind that friends and family who are offering “ advice” and “suggestions” are really trying to be of sincere help and support. In most cases they have your best intentions at heart. Thus always deal with them kindly and politely. It never helps to refuse help. You can always add comments such as “I will definitely tell that to my fiancé” or phrases such as “That idea has merit “, “That idea deserves due consideration”. At the very worst you can deflect the worst hastily thought of and attempts to impose poor ideas and plans on you and your wedding day with the phrase “I would challenge that concept… idea … plan… viewpoint”. It never accomplishes anything to tell a person that they are wrong. However discussing an idea, place or concept is another matter entirely. That is safe and different.

Take the time to explain in some detail the approach that you are currently taking. How can this idea or plan be fit into current plans easily and in a manner of quality fitting the dreams and ideas laid out by the “presenter”? After all you want it done well.
Both of your – correct.

In most cases the concerned friend or relative will understand the different perspective of the wedding day plans. It all comes down to practical logistics. They should not be offended and if anything feels that they have been given a fair and reasonable hearing.

After all your wedding day is “Your big day in the sun”.

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Tags: wedding, family, friends